her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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