i may or may not be watching the land before time
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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