youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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