you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
