No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
