I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
