you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
