my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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