True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
