guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
