Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize