Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's blow job season.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
