We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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