she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
