he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
