Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
