My friends, they love my intelligence
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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