Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
