i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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