Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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