we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i came on her dog
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
