I got chris browned last night
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
