all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
