Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
