DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
