had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What a dumb baby whore.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
