and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
