They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
