My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
