he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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