it hurts more in the daytime
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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