so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
