Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize