So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
