Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize