I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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