is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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