Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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