She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
