im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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