so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
