i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
