I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
