The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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