so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
