So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize