Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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