He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
