Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize