Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
