is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
