so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i will never coherently bang her
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
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