I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
