Screwed.edu
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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