You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
