So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
