she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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