So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
