Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
