Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
