There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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