I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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