The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
