So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
