I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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