batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
