He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize