brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Alive.
So much puke
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
