Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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