you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize