I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
