apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You've changed since you got that strap on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
