wakey wakey hands off snakey
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
