just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
