my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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