is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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