I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
