I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
