Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
nutella sex= disaster
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
