I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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