apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
