That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
