I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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