Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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