she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
