It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
