so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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