im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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