I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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