Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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