my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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