This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
