I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
