i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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