Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Pooping to opera.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize