I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i wish my penis had a tongue
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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