please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize